All of a sudden the season we thought we were in - Fall - has turned into what we like to call Winter. It has started to snow here in the Prairies and to be completely honest with you, I'm not at all upset that the Fall came all to suddenly and disappeared just as quickly. Sometimes a certain season is only meant to stay a little while as a transition into the next, no matter how smooth - or not - that transition is.
I find myself wondering what I will be doing this time next year. Will I still be working at the same place? Will I be doing a lot more photography? Will I finally have clients that I don't necessarily know until I meet them for a consultation? Will I be in a relationship?
I don't know what I'll be doing this time next year. I'm just trying to take it one day at a time.
Life is interesting these days. I find myself juggling work, photography, friends, family, men, and all the other smaller things that tend to occupy ones life. I am not necessarily at a "blah" stage in my life; pretty sure I'm over that. This stage is more of a questioning phase. I question a lot of things. Some good and some bad and honestly I find myself questioning almost anything and everything I hear; mostly as it pertains to religion.I have never been a fan of the word religion - nor will I be - but I have found myself referring to things as "religious".
Personally, I feel that when you refer to something or someone as "religious" you are separating yourself from that person because they believe in something that you probably don't. And I'm not saying I don't believe, I am just saying that at this moment in time I am searching, questioning, and yes, waiting. Past experiences tell me that this is the worst thing that I could possibly be doing but nonetheless, I am doing it.
Boys occupy way too much time in my life and mind. Right now I am juggling two different boys and I will NOT mention names.
One guy that I am definitely interested in I met a few months ago. Great guy! Seriously. Easy to talk to, outgoing, hilarious, and he always has something to say - something my ex lacked, unfortunately. The other guy is an old high school acquaintance. He's funny too - i think - and I say that because I haven't exactly had a full conversation with him in person. It has always been "hey, hows it going" and that's about it, until recently when we started texting and yes, I had a dream (damn it. always happens!) and so we started talking. So my dilemma is that I really really like the first guy I mentioned and I think there's potential for..."advancement" but I'm not sure if he feels the same so meanwhile I hold on hoping that one day he will reveal his true feelings for me and sweep me off my feet and we will have a short but amazing relationship and then engagement and then be married and start doing life together. *catches her breath*
Alas, this is only a dream. I do think about this too much - I told you!
Life is an adventure and I believe that my adventure is only just beginning. I'm loving parts of it so far, and I know I can definitely learn from others. I mean, I know I'm learning...ha.
It's almost been a year since I ended what I thought would be the beginning of the rest of my life and I can't believe I've come this far. I can't believe that I was able to live through it all. Oh the joys!
I think one thing I'll remember from 2009 is that I got my life back and I made friends, lost friends, laughed, loved, and lived this year. And I know the year isn't over yet but I like to start thinking about this stuff early so that I can possibly improve the rest of the year - why revisit the year at the end of it? I recommend quarterly reviews. :)
I am doing well. I am doing fine.
I have two photoshoots lined up for this weekend and I am really looking forward to them.
I have a blog for my photography now: http://www.hildalemusphotography.blogspot.com
I do update it everytime I have new photos so please check it whenever you get the chance.
Thanks for reading my rant.
-Hilda
