{Think.}

I've been doing a lot more writing and thinking lately. It's probably a good thing, seeing as how before I started putting my thoughts down I wasn't really thinking at all!

I felt brain dead for a bit there.

I love writing. I realize it everytime that I open up a new post and start writing. I don't do much writing by hand, although I do find that I think better on paper. Sometimes it's just nice to write on a screen with the ability to delete what I've just written. When I erase on paper, you can still see the remnants of what you wrote. What if I want to completely get rid of it? I mean, usually I'll write the first thing that comes to mind. It's almost never a good thing to put out there for the world to see. So let's say I wrote it on paper, erased it, and wrote over it? Well...it's still there. In cyberspace I can DELETE it and never see it again.

Sometimes I feel this way about the choices I make. I don't regret anything in my life, but often times I do wish I could just erase things that have happened. Mostly things that weren't up to me. I'm very responsible with the way I feel about things that I have done, but there are things that people have done to me that I wish I could delete.

Life is about living, right? Well, I'm trying to live it. I'm trying to live it to the fullest.

Right now, thinking back to Friday night when I was really upset that I had nothing to do and no one to hang out with I just can't help but chuckle to myself. I can't believe I was so worked up about it. I know what set me off though. While I was in Old Navy, I had a lady eye me down. I don't know what I did to deserve that treatment because I didn't even realize it until I had the feeling that someone was looking at me and I turned around to look. Seriously?! Why do some people have to be like that? It really did upset me. It also didn't help that I was in a depressed mood because I knew I didn't have any plans that night.

I've been really moody lately. I made the joke last night with a friend that maybe I am pregnant! haha. I mean, it could happen. But I don't think I am and I don't want to be. That would RUIN me. Especially because I know exactly who my baby daddy would be and I don't ever want that to happen. But I'm pretty sure I'm not pregnant. I can't get pregnant; and I mean that quite literally. But enough of that. It's already too much information for people who do not know me. Or even for people who do know me.

I'm at work right now. Sitting here at my desk. Thinking...

Thinking about one person in particular and wishing that he was right here with me. Except not actually right here with me because why the heck would I want him here at work with me?! haha. I look around at the paperwork on my desk and want to shred it some days...

*sigh* 36 more days. 36 days until I can go for my driver's test. 36 more days until freedom. and 36 more days until the biggest responsibility of my life so far.

-h.

{Dance. Sing. Laugh. Cry.}

Dance, dance, dance.
Sing, sing, sing.
Laugh, laugh, laugh.

and then...

just cry.

{About a (lonely) girl}

The last time that I sat down and wrote I was ecstatic about the possibility of a new love interest in my mostly boring life. Today, I sit here depressed. It's a Friday night and I'm sitting in front of my computer screen writing into cyber space not even knowing or caring if someone will read this.

This time last weekend I was sitting in my friends living room watching two guys dancing and grinding while drinking their beers. I was having a good time! I was preparing myself mentally for what would be a night full of mistakes but no regrets. That's exactly what it was and it was fun! I do not regret it.

Tonight, the only thing I regret is not making plans with people. This is why I can honestly say that today, I am depressed.

Maybe it's the fact that tomorrow morning my best friend is leaving on a road trip and won't be back for a while. Maybe it's the fact that I could be cuddled up on a couch with my other friend making out and not caring about anything. Maybe it's because I could also just not care and take the car and go meet up my friend at the bar she's hanging out at tonight.

Whatever it is...it's keeping me in a foul mood.

Blah. Friday. You suck. Go screw yourself. Mmkay, thanks.

-h.