Today

So today is Valentine's Day apparently, I'd never know because no one really puts it on facebook or Twitter or anything............

I'M JOKING. 

But yeah, it's another Valentine's Day alone, but in all honesty I'm okay with it. I have no issues with being single. I like not having to check up on anyone to see how their day is going...haha. I mean, I still do with my friends but that's always different. It's a relief to not have to do that with a significant other though. ha. There are prospects in the horizon, however, and soon enough I could be writing a blog about it...but we'll cross that bridge when and if I get there.

I remember what V Day was like. Never anything too special. Maybe flowers, and chocolate, or a nice gift of some sort...but like I said, nothing too special. Perhaps it was foreshadowing...

I heard something once that has definitely changed my opinion about relationships and the people in them though.

Vince Vaughn was once interviewed before his film "Couples Retreat" opened in theatres and he said that the thing he wanted people to remember always was:

"Women go into a relationship hoping that their man will change, and men go into a relationship hoping that their woman won't change. Almost always, both parties are disappointed with the outcome."

 You might ask yourself how this has helped me? Well, it's made me realize that I AM NOT PERFECT. Yes, I said it. Believe it or not, Hilda is not a perfect person and I should never expect someone else to be for the sake of the relationship. We're all different and that's what makes a relationship work - or not work in some cases.

I think that when we all understand that the differences in personalities in a relationship are what make life so interesting we learn to love unconditionally. (oh god, i used that word...)

Well, for lack of a better - phrase? - Happy Valentine's Day to all of you who have someone to spend it with and even for those who don't. Remember to always smile because you never know who is falling in love with it.

Love,


-h.

{hmm}

I find myself more and more intrigued with the idea that somewhere out there a man is waiting to call me his wife. It's crazy to think that a couple of years from now I could be extremely fortunate of being with a man who loves me and cares about me. It's just a mind boggling phenomena and I thought I'd share it.

Truly. Madly. Deeply.

Yours,

H.

Internet Dating

If someone had told me a year and a half ago that I would find myself single and looking I think I would've been surprised and angry at that statement. But honestly, here I am. Single and looking - but not for a long term commitment. Looking for someone to hang out with and be with. That's about it. I miss having a guy call me 'sweetie' and 'hun' - well at least the spanish equivalent to those two words of endearment.

I have in the past signed up for dating sites just to meet new people and I have once again fallen into this. I have chatted with guys online before - actually, I've been doing it for about 7 years now. It's fun and interesting! haha. I had actually never ever met someone that I had met online until this past Friday. My experience was one that I will never forget and it was indeed quite refreshing to be able to just take a deep breath and let go. It was a fun night, and although I think that the only thing we have in common is the fact that we are both signed up on Lavalife and we like to laugh, I think that it is great friendship potential - although, I did quite enjoy the Tequila toast "To Our Children".

Since I signed up I have talked to probably over a dozen guys. Some of which have been interesting only for a couple of minutes and others that I actually found extremely interesting and I find that I still chat with or I only chatted with them for a couple of months.

I know people that are extremely weary of internet chatting/dating because of all the creeps that are out there but the way that I think of it is that as long as you pre-screen the other person and listen to the red flags - you can't really go wrong. I mean, for people who aren't internet smart then of course it'll probably be a horrible experience but really...what are you afraid of? Don't you think that there are other people online who are chatting with you that might think..."is this other person a creep?" whilst you sit at your computer and thinking the exact same thing? There are a lot more NORMAL people signing up on internet dating sites. People just like you that aren't interested in luring you to a dark corner in an alley off Whyte and raping you...

In saying all of this though, I do recommend that you be careful with it. Not all people online have the best of intentions. I have come across many creeps and almost too straightforward in the way they communicate about what they are looking for - which usually means countless of sexual fantasies. It happens. It happens in real life and it happens online. I think that one question we should ask ourselves when seeking to meet new people online is: Is this guy/girl saying anything makes them across as [insert negative trait here]? I am extremely weary of overprotective and controlling men so that is what i look for in my conversations with guys before I meet them. Trust me, there have been more red flags than one would like but it's not always that bad.

I don't agree or endorse the comments people make about internet daters when they call us "desperate". Why? Well, wouldn't the same be said for people who go to a restaurant, bar, club, church, concert, social gather, etc. hoping to find the same thing? Seriously. We are hearing of more and more couples who sign up for eHarmony and various other sites only to find a deep connection with someone.

I go into everything with an open mind and do not let somewhat interesting/bad/mediocre experiences close my mind. Life is about living - so go on. Live your life. Live it wisely, but don't hibernate in a hole fearing that if you escape from your hole the worst will happen.

So I guess this is my way of putting it out there that I am indeed signed up on Lavalife, and Plenty of Fish to hopefully find someone to hang with and maybe more.

Judge me. Hate me. Love me. I don't care. Just don't give up on finding love.

-h.

[Too Long]

It has been ages since I sat down at the computer to put my thoughts into this blog. For that I apologize greatly. Perhaps this blog will reveal the reason why I haven't felt the need to write about what has been going on in my life.

To be completely honest with you, I've just been out...living. And probably not to par with a lot of what my friends think "living" should be...but nonetheless, I have been living.

My photography was going steadily for a little bit before the snow hit and now I'm kind of stuck doing nothing...although that isn't completely true. I've got a couple of gigs at work for photos. So that is a good thing and I'm excited to see how it goes.

Um...I'm not sure who reads this blog anyway but basically, I haven't been to church in about 3 months. I haven't really felt the need to and to be quite honest with you: I am repulsed by the idea. A couple of weeks ago I had a heated argument with someone from my old church over nudity in films. It was extremely frustrating and I came out emotionally and mentally exhausted from that. It wasn't a pleasant experience and revealed to me how hard it is to change someones mind. I honestly felt stupid for even arguing with the person...I realized that not only was he being irrational...but even though the message he was trying to "preach" was probably extremely valid and a good point to address...he was being extremely pushy in the way of "preaching" it. I wanted to look him in the face and say "F**K YOU BUDDY!" that is how frustrated I was. And honestly, I did say those words just not to him directly. It made me repulsed by the idea that the way that he was coming across was the way that people view Christians. So frustrating, thus the reason I am repulsed.

That's probably why I haven't really taken the time to voice my thoughts or feelings in here...I don't want everyone to know my dirty laundry. And I really don't want the people who I used to go to church with to ask me "How are you and the Big Guy doing?" because I don't think that I owe anyone an explanation on how that is going...no matter how accountable being want me to be. For your information, I am not accountable to you.

Blah. I'm sorry. If you've read up to hear I guess...good on ya? I don't even know. This is kind of a depressing post. yikes! This is not what I intended but sometimes when you start something there is no telling where it's going to end up...

I've actually had to take a couple of breaks during this blog post to kind of control and organize my thoughts because I have soo many running through my head. Not to mention Facebook and text conversations...

I guess I don't really know what the point of this post is. Perhaps I just needed to get all of my anger and frustration out somewhere. I'm sorry that I vomitted all over you. Sorry.

2010 has so far proven to be an interesting year for me. I find myself extremely broke because of my unnecessary and compulsive spending last year...so I'm glad to say that January was great for catching up on debt and February continues the same...but because of that, I'm dirt poor. I have $26 in my bank account...which actually, considering how I used to have an overdraft account on my chequing account, is a good thing because at least I'm not in the negatives...It's just a bit ridiculous. But that's what happens...and you learn from your mistakes. I'm learning the hardway.

In March I will be purchasing a new camera to my collection and also second shooting a wedding. I will start driver's ed in April - fingers crossed - and in July I am going to California for about a week and a half for my cousin, Carlos', wedding. I'm extremely excited. I need to get away and I need to see my cousins. I'm buying my first car in October of this year...

(that's my future baby!)

Having my car will help me get around for photoshoots and stuff so I'm 

really looking forward to it! :)

Other than that...I turned 21 a couple of weeks ago. So that feels different. Um...I'm been trying the online dating thing and it has proven to be interesting...we'll see how it goes. haha.

I don't know what else to say...

Check out this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7f4TItnxVOw 

Thanks for reading!

-- h.